If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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