you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
