i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just blew my weed a kiss
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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