So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
