My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
nutella sex= disaster
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
