he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
