Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
