you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
