My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
