This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
