My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
