it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
