break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
