Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
