pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
