I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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