You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
