How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
