Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
