the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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