I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
