She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
