hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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