Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
