I cannot find my penis.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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