ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
