is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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