mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
