I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
