Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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