So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
