I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Enjoy the penises
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
