Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
