Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
