Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Tornado booty call.. dedication
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
