It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
