I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
