there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
