my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
