I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
