Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
