he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
