Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
