yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
