your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
