I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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