the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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