Define "chronic" masturbator.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
