I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
