Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
